Sunday, August 16, 2009

Status updates in Facebook....

One of the most fun things about Facebook leaving aside the voyeuristic aspect which is a necesary part of the process, are the status updates.

They are not only a barometer to measure the 'status' of the person in question [a mini blog in itself] but also lead to interesting conversations much like the comment threads in blogs.

Often times you can tell who is fighting with whom and the undertones of what is not said tells so much more. The passion with which some make declarations of love and hate, bitter remonstrations, public displays of affection and lifetime achievements or the dull drudge of daily life are all part and parcel of this wonderful vehicle.

In any case I am digressing as usual - this is one of my status update and following comments which lead me to thinking... I think maybe first you should read for yourself.

Amber Azam-Kureshi's reflecting... There can be no happiness without the courage to deconstruct... that's why I suppose there are not too many truly happy contented people around

Friend #1
"sometimes the deconstruction isnt in ure if u were to deconstruct maybe u would have done it differently????and hence it requires luck then anything else...."

Friend # 2
"well i have spent the last few years deconstructing.. so i warmly await happiness as my reward"

Friend #3
"Luck, fate, coincidences..are misconception of our times. Believing in the above will result in a life tossed and turned by its conditions. Aim for a life where you dictate your circumstances..We make our own destiny!

“Increase your selflessness to such heights that before creating each destiny, God himself will have to ask the human “What is your opinion about this”.

Each and every one of us has to deconstruct in our life time, some do it knowingly and others in ignorance.

Who says that we have to wait for happiness or, go through the deconstruction phase being unhappy? Accepting the good and the not soo good from the divine with gratitudet will generate this content/happiness... Believe me, God has a clear plan for us!
"God does not play dice" Albert Einstein

Amber Azam-Kureshi
"When I was talking about deconstruct there was a clear distinction between ‘destroy' and 'deconstruct' sometimes we have to methodically and brick by brick take care of the excess we have accumulated - whether it is in material goods or emotional hang ups or misconceptions about the routes to happiness or what the world thinks constitutes as right or wrong.Sometimes we have to take chance and risks to make drastic paradigm shifts only then do we find out that what we previously thought we couldn’t live without or die for, doesn’t have the importance we give it.
And clutter does come in the way of happiness".

I have been thinking about this conversation in the midst of nappy changes and food wars and have concluded that yes it is not merely semantic there is a clear distinction and that lies in the method and rationality involved. To destroy somehow implies to emotionally ransack its irrational and thoughtless whereas deconstruction would be very logical, cold and ruthless

Even the words echo their delivery!

PS: Doesn't the word destiny imply that it is not in your hands?????

Sunday, August 9, 2009


Hi everybody, I have been the proverbial cry wolf, so won't even try to say that I am back. But was missing all the amazing people I have met during blogging so thought I'd stop and say hello. Part of the reason I have been so irregular is that all my day is spent with Aleyna and I hardly get time, when she goes to sleep there seems to be a whole other life to catch up on. But another part of the reason is that I feel that all words have dried up and I seem to only be able to talk about toddler menus and all things baby related - I must admit I have become totally one dimensional, I guess this is what happens after you have a baby. Even as I write Aleyna has managed to delete every word I wrote, thank God for the control z, button.

Being responsible for another human being is an awesome responsibility and an unbelievable pressure, you spent half of your time feeling guilty and the other feeling half quite proud of yourself. I honestly think us moms can be quite full of ourselves. I do this and this for my baby do you do it too? Everyone actually thinks they are the best parent and worst parent at different times.

Most other moms you meet are silently sizing up you and your tot and consciously and unconsciously you are doing the same. How much does she weigh, has she started walking? when did yours get her teeth and how many, do you feed her or has she learnt to self feed, etc etc. But somehow you don't mind being asked or asking. It is a club and you automatically belong. There is an openness and compassion, because each knows how tough it is to raise a little one and that you finally realize we all do the best that we can and that is all that matters. Doing the best you can.

Even if you have had problems fitting in with people all your life, or felt a square peg amidst round, a baby immediately standardizes and uniformizes you. Or at least that is what happened to me, and somehow where I once took pride in being 'different' now I don't mind being the same.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Is love unconditional?

Is there such a thing? People say that a mother's love is unconditional or God's love is unconditional. Unconditional love meaning love that has no expectations, love that just gives without accepting anything in return.

I have had countless arguments with people when they say that there is such a thing as unconditional and used to be told to wait till I was a mother to experience this phenomenon.

Well, I waited but still haven't reached any such conclusion. I feel a love for Aleyna beyond anything I have ever felt for anyone but then she is such a joy to me. Her smile when she sees my face in the morning literally makes my heart melt. But I still can't say it's unconditional as she give me love in return. I live for the new things she does and how she's growing a bit everyday.

With unconditional love you are not supposed to expect anything from the person you love, keep giving even when you don't get anything in return. It's true that only a parent gives more than they receive and they want the best for their child before themselves. A parent's love might be as close to unconditional love as one can get but nonetheless there are conditions attached to it. There is always an expectation, expectation that you will be a 'good' child. Expectations that change with time and some that are unconscious.

Unconditional love is a myth. You may fool yourself into thinking that you are loving unconditionally and don't want anything in return but that's not the truth. Even if you convince yourself that your love is unconditional and that you don't want anything for yourself, it might be the fact that it makes you feel good about yourself to feel like you have boundless love that doesn't want anything in return. Conditions always exist, some that might not be apparent to even yourself.

When we say we love someone unconditionally we are saying that we love the person for just 'being' and not 'doing'. We are deserving of love by just being a creation of God, that is enough of a reason to have intrinsic value independant of our actions. I can't wrap by head around that.

Because God too has conditions attached to our behaviour, what are the ten commandments if not conditions?

Saturday, February 14, 2009

You hear people say how much life changes after having a baby but you realize the gravity and magnitude of that truth only after you've experienced it yourself. Its a momentous occasion truly but a lot of people have it before they are truly ready for it or understand its significance and the effects it necessarily has. Having a baby doesn't only mean having an adorable extension to your family it means a whole different dynamic taking place in your existence as a couple and you better be ready for it and have a strong marriage to sustain it as well as a strong sense of who you are.

In my case because of the long wait we were more than ready, there was already everything that we had done, the late nights and the parties were something that we didn't mind missing anymore. We already knew everything there is to know about each other and done everything from jumping out of the sky to partying all night. But even then it is difficult to maintain the balance between baby and hubby. I want to spend every waking minute with Aleyna to the exclusion of everyone and everything. I marvel at couples who have babies immediately after they get married - it certainly ain't easy. I have seen cases where after the initial excitement and whirlwind of the baby settles, the woman realizes that a huge change has taken place. She can't go out as much with her husband no more romantic candlelit dinners 'discovering' each other. A new marriage is in itself a challenge, where you have to learn to co exist with each other. You haven't laid grounds as a couple yet, not formed a foundation of your relationship to which you're adding another floor so to speak, thus the building isn't very strong to withstand the extra pressure. . The woman feels torn between looking after the baby, being with the husband or taking care of how she looks and ends up a mess. There is unspoken expectations to be super mom, super wife, superwoman and sometimes you lose the plot, add to that the extra pounds that don't necessarily make you look your best. The woman is not allowed to have a bad day or feel miserable, and unsure of herself or her new marriage because that is immediately categorized as being self indulgent and ungrateful of the miracle that is her baby. Talk about having too much on your plate.

But women make it through, I can only say that never in a million years could a man [correction 'most' men, there are always exceptions to the rule] have a baby and I'm not talking about the physical impossibility.....

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Where am I from, Mummy???

Kids born in Dubai don't get a nationality only the Emirati or locals do. The nationality on their passport is the same as their parents. If both the parents are from different countries then I suppose the child would carry the fathers' country of origin. And what if even the parents were born in the UAE, what then? They'd end up borrowing their parents' nationality who in turned had borrowed their parents'. Wow!!!

The funny thing is that in UAE, the locals constitute only approximately 20%, the rest of the population is a mixed bag of Asians, Arab expats and others. Every day brings more people from all over the world to Dubai as they prepare to settle down with their families, or start ones, a lot of children are born here [the waters of Dubai seem to be very fertile, every fifth person you see is pregnant or carrying strollers]

So what should these kids do? They have to accept their parents nationality, but what if they don't have any associations or bonds with that country? They aren't born there, didn't go to school there, played in the parks there, they haven't made their friends there, had their fights, yet their passport says they belong to that country.

This got me thinking about what makes a person belong to a country? Especially in the case of the country not accepting the fact that the person was born there and for all intents and purposes its their only true home?

When I had this conversation with an acquaintance they gave their own explanation, 'whichever country your forefathers have migrated too, and adopted as their own, should determine your nationality'

But then where do you decide to stop and choose, your great grandfather's country or his fathers'?.

Would such kids be different when they grow up? Especially if they are of a questioning nature or will they just adopt their parents nationality, the one given on their passport even though they weren't born there and in some cases have just been there on holidays? Is it even fair to expect them to accept that country as their own if they haven't grown up there. Most of them just end up convincing themselves that indeed they are from where their parents are.

But nationality and culture are two different things you might be an Asian because of ethnicity but nationality?

Does having roots only depend on what your passport says or growing up in a place is what determines nationality????

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Not dead... infact just multiplied [7 months ago]

Hi everyone and happy holidays. I know this is after a REALLY long time more than a year 15 months to be precise but I was busy :-)

Had a beautiful baby girl last year June.

Meet Aleyna

At birth ---------- - now

I used to hear everyone says life changes after a baby but never knew how much!

It's awesome but I literally don't do anything but be with her - slightly obsessive but she came after 9 years and is my little miracle!