Sunday, August 9, 2009

hello

Hi everybody, I have been the proverbial cry wolf, so won't even try to say that I am back. But was missing all the amazing people I have met during blogging so thought I'd stop and say hello. Part of the reason I have been so irregular is that all my day is spent with Aleyna and I hardly get time, when she goes to sleep there seems to be a whole other life to catch up on. But another part of the reason is that I feel that all words have dried up and I seem to only be able to talk about toddler menus and all things baby related - I must admit I have become totally one dimensional, I guess this is what happens after you have a baby. Even as I write Aleyna has managed to delete every word I wrote, thank God for the control z, button.

Being responsible for another human being is an awesome responsibility and an unbelievable pressure, you spent half of your time feeling guilty and the other feeling half quite proud of yourself. I honestly think us moms can be quite full of ourselves. I do this and this for my baby do you do it too? Everyone actually thinks they are the best parent and worst parent at different times.

Most other moms you meet are silently sizing up you and your tot and consciously and unconsciously you are doing the same. How much does she weigh, has she started walking? when did yours get her teeth and how many, do you feed her or has she learnt to self feed, etc etc. But somehow you don't mind being asked or asking. It is a club and you automatically belong. There is an openness and compassion, because each knows how tough it is to raise a little one and that you finally realize we all do the best that we can and that is all that matters. Doing the best you can.

Even if you have had problems fitting in with people all your life, or felt a square peg amidst round, a baby immediately standardizes and uniformizes you. Or at least that is what happened to me, and somehow where I once took pride in being 'different' now I don't mind being the same.





11 comments:

John said...

Always good to hear from you Amber. I am so glad that you are really into the mommy thing. I expected that you would be a good mom. I couple of the blogs that I read are from moms posting about their experiences and kids.

It's okay. You may find yourself with a slightly different reader following, but blogging is about sharing thoughts of who we are...and that changes from time to time.

Just be Amber...and write.
Share Aleyna...and write.
Maybe not everyday...but write.

Good to hear from you,
John <><

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Glad to have another message to know how you are, Amber. Hope you'll drop in.

Shantanu said...

Good to hear from you again, Amber. Enjoy these moments...they grow up fast! :)

Greg said...

Being a parent brings out who you really are. It's easy to try to sell yourself as one type of person or another when nobody depends on you for their life, but it all changes with kids.

Every belief gets tested and many resort back to the culture of their parents. Until I became a father I lacked the confirmation of how truly insane I actually am. Now there is no doubt.

Random Magus said...

John: You have hit the nail on the head - its the change in the blog that was filling me with apprehension. I guess this is who I am now and that is what I'll write about. Thank you so much for always dropping by.

Jean-Luc Picard :
So great to hear from you. Will be sure to drop by

Shantanu: I know what you are saying she s doing something new each day

Greg: The scary thing is how much they copy you - and that really forces you to take a look at yourself..truly look at yourself and change things. You would be happy to know that I still haven't taken up smoking again. Left it for good and she is the reason

Jeff said...

Thanks for coming by my blog to check on me. I am with you, Amber. Life events change you. Since my divorce last year, I haven't been able to write much. It isn't that I am depressed about it at this point, it is just that my state of mind shifted.

I hope to get back into it on a regular basis, but like you, I can't promise anything.

Good to "see" you!

Zakman said...

Hello back to you too!

So there IS, sometimes, a post, after all :) That's excellent!

Maybe you can think of your blog just like you think of your baby -- they both need your attention and care to grow and mature.

I don't have much 'experience' in babies and stuff, except once when I held one in my arms a long time ago, I couldn't wait to let go of her, as I was somewhat scared I might hurt her by not holding properly, or that she might fall off, etc.

But I've seen quite a few in TV commercials, and I think they can be fun, but they also wake you up at 3 am, don't they? Perhaps that's part of the fun, too.

Take care, and if possible, try and smoke again. Five cigarettes a day ain't gonna hurt nobody. Plus, think of the world economy if the tobacco industry closed down. Am I the devil speaking here? lol...

alinka said...

Great info..

Random Magus said...

Jeff: I am sorry I didn't know about your divorce... hope you find peace and contentment... when life changes or shifts it becomes difficult to reorient...good luck

Zakman: you always make me smile!!! My baby is a cutie patootie... even if I say so myself

Alinka: Hi thanks for stopping by

Amel's Realm said...

Glad to have you back...I'm not a mother yet, so all I know about motherhood are some bits here and there from my friends' experiences. It's really the toughest "job" on earth, I must say he he...

Pam said...

I am sure that the feeling to have a baby is...fantastic, maybe even there are no suitable words to be described. I met one of my friends that has a 6 months year old baby and she did not stop speaking about baby things and finally said "Sorry that I am speaking only about this but you will understand it one day". And I am sure that everybody changes when a baby appears in his/her life.