Have you noticed how we have assigned negative meanings to some words which by their definition are not but the connotation we give them seem to make them 'not right'. I was having a conversation with one of my best friends and we were talking about God and one of my favorite books, 'Mister God this is Anna', and I was explaining her how it said that God had to be empty.
'Mister god was a bit different from a flower. A yellow flower that didn’t want yellow light was called yellow by us because that is what we saw. You couldn’t say that about Mister god. He wanted everything so he did not reflect anything back; we couldn’t possibly see him could we. So as far as we are concerned Mister God is empty. Not empty because there was truly nothing there but because he accepted everything. Of course you could cheat if you wanted to; you could wear a colored glass marked “MISTER GOD IS LOVING” or bit marked “MISTER GOD IS KIND”, but then of course you would miss the whole nature of Mister God”
While I was explaining this to her I didn't have the benefit of reproducing it like I have here, but in the span of my explaining there was a pause in which the word 'empty' seemed almost sacrilegious.
And then we went on to define 'empty' and we realized that somehow the word 'empty' connotes something else. It's meaning is is nothing bad but when we hear 'empty' we immediately envision things like 'sadness', 'barren' etc etc.
Showing posts with label Random Ramblings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Ramblings. Show all posts
Monday, August 20, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
"Is it oblivion or absorption
when things pass from our minds?
- Emily Dickinson
Thomas Moore says when some new thought, feeling, or notion presents itself, we can't forget it or overlook it.
When we have invited it in or agree to live in its company, maybe then it won't be such a preoccupation.
It will be forgotten - not exiled into oblivion, but absorbed into being.
I'm pondering this over - where will they be absorbed? in the brain? in the mind?
meanwhile would love to know what you think.
When we have invited it in or agree to live in its company, maybe then it won't be such a preoccupation.
It will be forgotten - not exiled into oblivion, but absorbed into being.
I'm pondering this over - where will they be absorbed? in the brain? in the mind?
meanwhile would love to know what you think.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Against the Tide!
One of my favorite books is Herman Hesse's Siddhartha, the story of a young man in search of the ultimate truth or meaning of life. He becomes a wandering ascetic, but starving himself of all the world's pleasures doesn't bring him any closer to the truth, then he goes over to the opposite side and becomes a decadent hedonist, losing himself to a world of titillation and pleasure but that merely eats away his spirits and he becomes like the rest of the lost herd.
At the end he realizes that being nothing, doing nothing, just being - being empty, neither a practitioner nor a devotee, neither meditating nor reciting, just putting his ear to the river to blending in with the world, will he find his truth.
In Taoist philosophy, the river is a metaphor for life, never still, always changing. According to the natural order of things the river will always flow towards the sea. If we surrender life will carry us, wherever we want to go. The river's flow is yielding yet strong , with its ability to maneuver itself around all obstacles, its fluidity making it's path easier. It changes constantly to achieve its singular goal - that being to join the sea.
Yet I have always found myself opposing the river, maybe some of the disquietude in my soul can be blamed to not relinquishing myself to the the flow of things and letting things happen the way they are supposed to be. Maybe I try to find the quickest route and hurry and multi-task and get impatient for things to happen, for me to get the answers to all of life's riddles. Maybe I am stupid to be the angry wave, crashing and fighting against the gentle yet powerful river, going against the flow. Not allowing it time to carry me to the sea - swimming upstream for no reason - trying not to get enchanted by the shapes in the cave.
Maybe I should stop the struggle, do nothing, forget the journey and just swim along the decided sea, avoiding a different course. The calm of life's natural flow - invites me to surrender, to carry me, inviting me to trust it and let it make me forget. Yet how can I not know, how can I float blindly. How can I not want to to flee the cave and come back and take you with me?
The Taoist principle of Wu Wei , or the art of inaction says that if we do nothing, matters resolve themselves, essential to Wu Wei is avoidance of exerting pointless effort and contradicting nature. Abandoning tension to arrive at a quietude.
But if I stop asking won't I stop being? Am I vain to want to be - to be the one who goes out and comes back for the rest?
At the end he realizes that being nothing, doing nothing, just being - being empty, neither a practitioner nor a devotee, neither meditating nor reciting, just putting his ear to the river to blending in with the world, will he find his truth.
In Taoist philosophy, the river is a metaphor for life, never still, always changing. According to the natural order of things the river will always flow towards the sea. If we surrender life will carry us, wherever we want to go. The river's flow is yielding yet strong , with its ability to maneuver itself around all obstacles, its fluidity making it's path easier. It changes constantly to achieve its singular goal - that being to join the sea.
Yet I have always found myself opposing the river, maybe some of the disquietude in my soul can be blamed to not relinquishing myself to the the flow of things and letting things happen the way they are supposed to be. Maybe I try to find the quickest route and hurry and multi-task and get impatient for things to happen, for me to get the answers to all of life's riddles. Maybe I am stupid to be the angry wave, crashing and fighting against the gentle yet powerful river, going against the flow. Not allowing it time to carry me to the sea - swimming upstream for no reason - trying not to get enchanted by the shapes in the cave.
Maybe I should stop the struggle, do nothing, forget the journey and just swim along the decided sea, avoiding a different course. The calm of life's natural flow - invites me to surrender, to carry me, inviting me to trust it and let it make me forget. Yet how can I not know, how can I float blindly. How can I not want to to flee the cave and come back and take you with me?
The Taoist principle of Wu Wei , or the art of inaction says that if we do nothing, matters resolve themselves, essential to Wu Wei is avoidance of exerting pointless effort and contradicting nature. Abandoning tension to arrive at a quietude.
But if I stop asking won't I stop being? Am I vain to want to be - to be the one who goes out and comes back for the rest?
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
In Bad Faith
Yesterday in our negotiation skills class we had an assignment, which was the basis of yet another life truth laid out so glaringly obvious.
The class was split into 10 groups, five of which represented the 'management' and the other five the 'Workers'. Each group was paired against another, management negotitaing with the workers. The problem was that the management had changed the shift hour pattern so instead of 12 hours per day for 3.5 days now they'd have to work 8 hours but for 5.5 days, [lessening the hours per day but increasing the days] and this was not acceptable to them. If the negotiations were not successful either the workers would call a strike or the management would declare a lockout. So we had to negotiate with workers and trade concessions and reach an agreement that was acceptable for both
As management, we came up with great incentives, we offered them transport, we offered to split 10% of the profits if the productivity increased by 30%, we even offered to change the shift time so that work would start at 6 am and end by 2pm, leaving them ample time to spend with their families as this was one of the concerns raised, that is, working 2 extra days they would have less time with family .
To cut a long story short, although the other group did not have any legs to stand on or any rational reason to refuse they took issue at some remark one of the 'management' made which they thought was personal and they refused the deal and raised banners [which they had brought from home] that they were quitting.
When I saw the banners, I realized that they had decided this outcome from before, so no matter what we would have offered their answer would be the same. I even asked one the girls from the other group after class and she confirmed my doubt.
Anyway to finally come to the point of this post - sometimes in life it's not about what we did or didn't do, or what we could have done better in any situation, its about the other person. When they have decided the outcome from before, even if we bring manna from heavens they will say no, at the same time they'll try to make us feel that it's our fault that if we had done more, things would be different. We sometimes feel so bad and think about all the things that are wrong with us and what we could have done to change some situation, when really it's not about what's lacking in us at all.
If the other person starts in bad faith it is not about what we could have done more or less it's about them having decided what they would do from before.
The class was split into 10 groups, five of which represented the 'management' and the other five the 'Workers'. Each group was paired against another, management negotitaing with the workers. The problem was that the management had changed the shift hour pattern so instead of 12 hours per day for 3.5 days now they'd have to work 8 hours but for 5.5 days, [lessening the hours per day but increasing the days] and this was not acceptable to them. If the negotiations were not successful either the workers would call a strike or the management would declare a lockout. So we had to negotiate with workers and trade concessions and reach an agreement that was acceptable for both
As management, we came up with great incentives, we offered them transport, we offered to split 10% of the profits if the productivity increased by 30%, we even offered to change the shift time so that work would start at 6 am and end by 2pm, leaving them ample time to spend with their families as this was one of the concerns raised, that is, working 2 extra days they would have less time with family .
To cut a long story short, although the other group did not have any legs to stand on or any rational reason to refuse they took issue at some remark one of the 'management' made which they thought was personal and they refused the deal and raised banners [which they had brought from home] that they were quitting.
When I saw the banners, I realized that they had decided this outcome from before, so no matter what we would have offered their answer would be the same. I even asked one the girls from the other group after class and she confirmed my doubt.
Anyway to finally come to the point of this post - sometimes in life it's not about what we did or didn't do, or what we could have done better in any situation, its about the other person. When they have decided the outcome from before, even if we bring manna from heavens they will say no, at the same time they'll try to make us feel that it's our fault that if we had done more, things would be different. We sometimes feel so bad and think about all the things that are wrong with us and what we could have done to change some situation, when really it's not about what's lacking in us at all.
If the other person starts in bad faith it is not about what we could have done more or less it's about them having decided what they would do from before.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Shhhh!
I was reading this beautiful piece of fiction over at Paisley's in which the protagonist was called Silence and I got to thinking about silence and how scared we are of it - how deafening it can be, if we don't know how to recognize its quiet beauty.We are so used to noise that silence has started to mean that you don't have anything valuable to say. People feel the need to fill the gap, and if someone becomes quiet while talking to us we become nervous and start filling the blanks with jargon. I've noticed, especially in a group, that if everyone suddenly becomes quiet someone will always begin talking, even if it has nothing to do with the conversation. In fact in our hurry to fill the silence we start thinking of topics beforehand in our head so that we'll have a fallback plan if the situation comes to that.
We feel that until we call attention to ourselves through our words, we won't have a chance to be noticed or a chance to contribute. This happens the most in interpersonal relationships, with your husband or friend or partner. If they unburden themselves to you and tell you of some problem they might be having, you immediately start thinking of the solution you need to offer and imparting your advice - when maybe sometimes all they really want you to do is listen. To be able to have something to 'insightful' to say, sometimes we forget to even listen.
And this extends to inner silence as well, we are afraid that if we let our mind achieve stillness, we'll be forced to look into issues that we don't want to deal with. So we fill our head with million thoughts, they continually chase each other resulting in a cacophony of sound - we forget that a symphony needs rest, patches of silence to accentuate the notes in between to elevate them... to let them shine.
The simple fact is that silence troubles us and we don't know how to deal with it [me being one such person]
When strangely enough, it is actually the testament to the strongest of relationships. If you can share silence with someone it means you are so close that you don't words to bridge the distance!
Sunday, July 8, 2007
I Think! Therefore I Make Myself Unhappy!
'Thoughts are natural. They can not be stopped, they can however be made sublime with counter thoughts. Just like a thorn can be removed with another and poison neutralized by poison, so can the mind be made sublime with counter thoughts. Inauspicious thoughts should be countered with auspicious thoughts. A state of thoughtlessness comes with long and intense meditation'Sometimes our life moves in circles - a little while back in conversation with a friend I said that when Descartes said 'I think therefore I am', he must have been crazy because its possible to exist without thinking, and have a happier existence as we make ourselves miserable with the thoughts swarming around. To which he replied if what I wanted, was to be stupid.... to which I had no answer.- Acharya Mahprajna
A couple of days later I find these lines in one of my really old books. Myself and three of my girlfriends had gone to Nepal few years ago [what a blast]. On one of our less adventurous days [para-gliding, white water rafting and that flight into the Everest in a tiny plane that crashes more often than not made up three of our 6 days] we had gone to this one shop that had the most beautiful pashmina shawls and the owners were Jain and they gave all of us this book by Acharya Mahaprajna called 'Thoughts at Sunrise'.
Anyway to cut a long story short, reading this passage made me realize that although Descartes was right in what he said ...I wasn't altogether too wrong either! Of course if we didn't think we'd be no better than animals [although sometimes I feel it's debatable if we are] and that of course the unexamined life would really not be worth living, and boring in the extreme, but we do train our minds to think more unproductive thoughts than constructive ones!
Sometimes the wrong kind of thinking leads to all sorts of misery, convinces you that you are worthless. We create prisons for ourselves - if everything is going perfect we wait for the bad to happen. If we get a compliment we immediately think that we don't deserve it. We think that everyone who thinks we are smart has been sadly mistaken and we are actually not intelligent at all. Our insecurities keep us from trusting people and sometimes our own happiness.
It's like we feel that we don't deserve to be happy so whenever we are, we unconsciously thwart any chance of success. Maybe its self-preservation, throw something away before it gets taken away. I don't know. But we mutilate ourselves mentally and emotionally with our thoughts everyday.
If indeed we could find a way to separate the bad ones from the good and simply throw away the negative scary ones we'd be happier. A state where we can consciously stop ourselves from thinking - have that kind of control that we can switch on and off - wow!
P.S.: I can't meditate for 5 secs before an unwelcome storm of thoughts, just assails me, ranging from the truly horrible ones to mundane ones where I finally remember where I put the stapler I have been looking for....
Saturday, July 7, 2007
An Observation - take it at face value!!!
So much of our life's lived on the net not only with friends we haven't met but also with our other friends... with a phenomenon called Facebook.
I've met my really old friends who I hadn't seen for ages, my work friends from way back when... best friends who live in various cities, friends of friends I might have partied with, random people met once or twice in life...
What's scary is that sometimes people seem more fun from behind a screen, they are easier to deal with, a fewer conflicts arise, we have the capability to use the delete button [unfortunately the 'edit' facility is sometimes lost when we are face to face ;)].
Although people find ways to create conflict and fight on Facebook as well it's far more subtle and long drawn.... and sometimes enjoyable to watch a fascinating treat for the voyeur lurking in all of us.
Very soon I feel all life will be lived sitting in front of a computer.
I've met my really old friends who I hadn't seen for ages, my work friends from way back when... best friends who live in various cities, friends of friends I might have partied with, random people met once or twice in life...
What's scary is that sometimes people seem more fun from behind a screen, they are easier to deal with, a fewer conflicts arise, we have the capability to use the delete button [unfortunately the 'edit' facility is sometimes lost when we are face to face ;)].
Although people find ways to create conflict and fight on Facebook as well it's far more subtle and long drawn.... and sometimes enjoyable to watch a fascinating treat for the voyeur lurking in all of us.
Very soon I feel all life will be lived sitting in front of a computer.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Bizarro me
So I got back... and of course I checked out all my favorite blogs... and one comment I made on one of Greg's posts spewed this post into existence.
How much fun would it be if we had a Bizarro version of ourselves.. someone living a life alternate to ours yet a part of ours... sort of a crazy version of us who gets past all the super ego barriers, who knows no limitations of time and space and does everything we want
... we experience what our Bizarro self does yet we are not accountable for it...
... again.. how much fun would that be????
How much fun would it be if we had a Bizarro version of ourselves.. someone living a life alternate to ours yet a part of ours... sort of a crazy version of us who gets past all the super ego barriers, who knows no limitations of time and space and does everything we want
... we experience what our Bizarro self does yet we are not accountable for it...
... again.. how much fun would that be????
Thursday, June 28, 2007
...the problem with remembering
Have you met people who after the end of an argument or fight somehow convince you that it was actually you that was in the wrong. They leave you doubting the entire event and how it unfolded. You look at them and you can see that it's not an act and this is how they remember it and you end up doubting the veracity of your own memory...
Memory plays such a huge role in our lives in what we feel about people, in how we react to situations, in our decisions. In fact memory is what decides the entire course of our lives. We put so much stock in what we 'remember' but what proof do we have that what we remember of the past is really all that correct???
When we remember it’s not happening in real time, there is no direct sensory information that we are processing so it's different from perception, and we are not inventing so it’s not imagination because what we remember presumably did take place at some time....
The scary part is that memory is something that has such a capacity to be inherently faulty... because it is always something that happens in the past. After all... aren’t we actually bending time, sort of time traveling when we remember – going back and recollecting. What is to say that everything we bring back is just how it happened? What is there to say that our emotions have not added to our memory what might not have been there before? As proved by the phrase, 'absence makes the heart fonder', and as experienced by couples who have broken up and after some time seem to forget how bad it really was and so get back together...only to realize how wrong they had been... and it really was worse!!!
When we remember ‘how bad’ it hurt we are not remembering the actual pain what we are remembering is actually thinking how bad it hurt. And I know this because just a month after I had moved here I got hit by a car while crossing the road and broke 5 of my bones. I ‘remember’ how agonizing and unending the pain was but do I actually remember it? I mean I can recollect the horror and the essence of the experience but not the sensations.
Thank God for that!!!!
When we meet someone who has injured us in some way and they act as if it never happened, what if they actually did forget about it and indeed it didn't happen at least for them. I know many narcissistic personalities, who only remember the wrong done to them but never what they have done and when you hear them describe some account of a grievance you’re blown away by how sincere and truthful they appear… how totally they believe in everything they are saying, when you know for sure that was not how it happened. I know that at times during such confrontations I’ve been so bewildered that I actually questioned the validity of my memory…perhaps it was me who was the wrong one...
John Locke actually bases our entire sense of self and identity on the continuity of memory. According to him a person who remembers nothing of his or her past literally has no identity!!
"The palest ink is better than the best memory"
- Chinese Proverb
Monday, June 25, 2007
There's someone in my head - but it's not me... not always
Have you noticed that with different people we behave differently???
With some it's so easy to express ourselves and around others we feel nervous or inadequate or just unable to connect. Around some people we are sparkling and talkative whereas in the presence of some we are quiet, unassuming and boring!!!
Sometimes we act so strange that we don't even recognize ourselves.
With certain people we are suddenly on the defensive imagining slights that may or may not have been intended... with some we feel gauche or clumsy when we compare their elegance to ours. With those we perceive to be 'superior' to us we feel overshadowed. Sometimes even with the same person we are different...
Does this mean that we have no set behavior pattern or character? Or does it mean that we have a dozen people living in our head and they take turns to appear?
Is it something to do with the other person's emotional status and mood that we absorb and then tailor our behavior accordingly or is it something to do with how we are feeling about ourselves? Or is it a combination of both?
Do we intuitively believe that what we are feeling, what are perceptions and conclusions are MUST be what the other person is thinking of us and so we go on to defense mode whether that person is indeed feeling that or not...
I think when we meet someone that we perceive is better than us in anyway we immediately reach the conclusion that person too will be feeling superior to us, which in turn drives our behavior.
I know I can't make a sweeping generalization and include everyone...not all people are like that, my husband certainly isn't but I know hundreds who are... me included!!!
With some it's so easy to express ourselves and around others we feel nervous or inadequate or just unable to connect. Around some people we are sparkling and talkative whereas in the presence of some we are quiet, unassuming and boring!!!
Sometimes we act so strange that we don't even recognize ourselves.
With certain people we are suddenly on the defensive imagining slights that may or may not have been intended... with some we feel gauche or clumsy when we compare their elegance to ours. With those we perceive to be 'superior' to us we feel overshadowed. Sometimes even with the same person we are different...
Does this mean that we have no set behavior pattern or character? Or does it mean that we have a dozen people living in our head and they take turns to appear?
Is it something to do with the other person's emotional status and mood that we absorb and then tailor our behavior accordingly or is it something to do with how we are feeling about ourselves? Or is it a combination of both?
Do we intuitively believe that what we are feeling, what are perceptions and conclusions are MUST be what the other person is thinking of us and so we go on to defense mode whether that person is indeed feeling that or not...
I think when we meet someone that we perceive is better than us in anyway we immediately reach the conclusion that person too will be feeling superior to us, which in turn drives our behavior.
I know I can't make a sweeping generalization and include everyone...not all people are like that, my husband certainly isn't but I know hundreds who are... me included!!!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Had they lived....
Do you think Romeo and Juliet would have been as immortal in life as they are in death... I mean had they lived and got married and had a little brood, would they be as famous and as oft-quoted as they are now? Would their love story still been called the greatest love story of all time - a perfect ode to love?
Yeah right! Romeo never had to see Juliet first thing in the morning and Juliet never heard Romeo snoring...
Tragedy is what lends so much allure to love stories... allow them to play out and reach their natural life cycle and like everything else they would soon reach the maturity stage... and dying for each other would appear to be slightly foolish... if not downright ridiculous
Love changes...it grows deeper and the thumping heart and jelly knees turns into a different kind of emotion... it becomes real and like everything real it stops being a perfect little fairy tale.
It's more meaningful because it's accepted with all its flaws and imperfections... it turns into acceptance and respect and the desire to make things work even when the going gets a bit rough.
It's a strange kind of friendship...a paradox - someone capable of hurting you worse than anyone ever could...at the same time someone who can make you the happiest you've been...
It's being accepted even after you've made an ass of yourself at times... it's making room for another in your precious space. It's allowing the heart to open up a little more every day to accommodate each others' insecurities and ego, unspoken fears and vanities.
It's doing little things for one another....it's unconsciously turning in the night and feeling thankful for the person next to you... feeling content at knowing there is someone out there who knows you better than you think they know you...
Someone who you may fight with and exchange cruel words with...but someone who is still there in the morning...someone you may walk away mentally from, time to time...but someone you return to each time.
Someone tied to you with the most fragile of bonds....yet often the one most difficult to break...
Yeah right! Romeo never had to see Juliet first thing in the morning and Juliet never heard Romeo snoring...
Tragedy is what lends so much allure to love stories... allow them to play out and reach their natural life cycle and like everything else they would soon reach the maturity stage... and dying for each other would appear to be slightly foolish... if not downright ridiculous
Love changes...it grows deeper and the thumping heart and jelly knees turns into a different kind of emotion... it becomes real and like everything real it stops being a perfect little fairy tale.
It's more meaningful because it's accepted with all its flaws and imperfections... it turns into acceptance and respect and the desire to make things work even when the going gets a bit rough.
It's a strange kind of friendship...a paradox - someone capable of hurting you worse than anyone ever could...at the same time someone who can make you the happiest you've been...
It's being accepted even after you've made an ass of yourself at times... it's making room for another in your precious space. It's allowing the heart to open up a little more every day to accommodate each others' insecurities and ego, unspoken fears and vanities.
It's doing little things for one another....it's unconsciously turning in the night and feeling thankful for the person next to you... feeling content at knowing there is someone out there who knows you better than you think they know you...
Someone who you may fight with and exchange cruel words with...but someone who is still there in the morning...someone you may walk away mentally from, time to time...but someone you return to each time.
Someone tied to you with the most fragile of bonds....yet often the one most difficult to break...
Saturday, June 16, 2007
A random digression
My mind drifts as I look around the class - the teacher truly uninspiring, I spiral into a mindless boredom - an insane numbing of the mind.
I drift...
...so many faces... so many disguises.
I wonder what they are thinking? what secrets they hide... what joys they await... what pains they endure...
Do we ever really get to know the person next to us? or are they like me?
Forever guarded!
A reality created with great care - never too revealing, never too open... always wanting to appear perfect... not always achieving that.
It would be good to break free and not need anyone's approval
So why do some of us need constant validation? When we know what we are worth why don't we believe?
We all start with the same slate... then why do some people never seem to need anyone's approval, so sure of themselves - not needing anyone.
Is it nature or nurture?
Are we products of where we are born and to whom we are born?
Does life happen to us or do we happen to life?
How do we break free...how do we unlearn?
Can we create a new identity or are the chains of our DNA too strong?
I drift...
...so many faces... so many disguises.
I wonder what they are thinking? what secrets they hide... what joys they await... what pains they endure...
Do we ever really get to know the person next to us? or are they like me?
Forever guarded!
A reality created with great care - never too revealing, never too open... always wanting to appear perfect... not always achieving that.
It would be good to break free and not need anyone's approval
So why do some of us need constant validation? When we know what we are worth why don't we believe?
We all start with the same slate... then why do some people never seem to need anyone's approval, so sure of themselves - not needing anyone.
Is it nature or nurture?
Are we products of where we are born and to whom we are born?
Does life happen to us or do we happen to life?
How do we break free...how do we unlearn?
Can we create a new identity or are the chains of our DNA too strong?
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Pleasure - the Greatest Driver Of All
I am a hedonist - and don't feel guilty about it and don't see why I should. But somehow it seems that most of us think that seeking pleasure is wrong and somehow feel guilty about it. 'Hedonism' is seen as being selfish - but why? What if someone got the maximum pleasure in helping others. Would we still think that was being selfish?
I am not saying anything that some philosopher hasn't said before, of course it goes without saying that I would not be able to express it with even one hundredth of the finesse. But somehow something strikes you whilst doing the simplest of things - in this case eating Haagan Daz' Belgian Chocolate ice cream ... my favorite.
Enjoying my ice cream and thinking that I had better start going to the gym again, I reflected upon the nature of pleasure...it seemed fitting and most appropriate to think of pleasure with the ice cream cup in my hand
We do so much for pleasure we endure pain to get to pleasure - think about those long hard hours at the gym, or studying for an exam to get an A+... the ultimate act of creation, a baby. Immense pleasure for which we are ready to go through maximum pain. Although here would be a contradiction of the hedonistic theory of maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain - the pleasure far outweighs the pain - in both intensity and duration
Is it in our DNA to desire pleasure? A child is very very clear in his/her mind about this - laugh at things that feel good and cry the house down when feeling bad.
Is pleasure what makes us 'moral'?
When we feel that we have done something to harm someone unnecessarily, and if we start to feel bad about it, we want to repent and try to mend our ways. Why? Because we want the feeling of guilt niggling away at us to go away, we want to feel better about ourselves.
When men cheat on their wives or vice versa why do they confess? Because they 'respect' their partners? They wouldn't have bloody cheated on them if they did.
No because their guilt makes them feel rotten and the only way to make the feeling go away is to confess. Getting the burden of the shoulders so to speak.
Why do we love someone? Is it possible that the reason lies in the fact that they make us feel that we are special and better than others - they picked us over others so we must be better. And of course this realization leads to... guess what... pleasure .
Do we do 'good' deeds for the same reason? Think about it... the rush of happiness when we help someone or when we feel that we have made a difference to someone's life.
Doesn't that make the quest for pleasure a 'good' in itself?
And if we take it further couldn't it be possible, that we are afraid to go to hell [for those of us who believe in hell] because we know hell will be a darned painful place - very very far away from pleasure indeed!
I am not saying anything that some philosopher hasn't said before, of course it goes without saying that I would not be able to express it with even one hundredth of the finesse. But somehow something strikes you whilst doing the simplest of things - in this case eating Haagan Daz' Belgian Chocolate ice cream ... my favorite.
Enjoying my ice cream and thinking that I had better start going to the gym again, I reflected upon the nature of pleasure...it seemed fitting and most appropriate to think of pleasure with the ice cream cup in my hand
We do so much for pleasure we endure pain to get to pleasure - think about those long hard hours at the gym, or studying for an exam to get an A+... the ultimate act of creation, a baby. Immense pleasure for which we are ready to go through maximum pain. Although here would be a contradiction of the hedonistic theory of maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain - the pleasure far outweighs the pain - in both intensity and duration
Is it in our DNA to desire pleasure? A child is very very clear in his/her mind about this - laugh at things that feel good and cry the house down when feeling bad.
Is pleasure what makes us 'moral'?
When we feel that we have done something to harm someone unnecessarily, and if we start to feel bad about it, we want to repent and try to mend our ways. Why? Because we want the feeling of guilt niggling away at us to go away, we want to feel better about ourselves.
When men cheat on their wives or vice versa why do they confess? Because they 'respect' their partners? They wouldn't have bloody cheated on them if they did.
No because their guilt makes them feel rotten and the only way to make the feeling go away is to confess. Getting the burden of the shoulders so to speak.
Why do we love someone? Is it possible that the reason lies in the fact that they make us feel that we are special and better than others - they picked us over others so we must be better. And of course this realization leads to... guess what... pleasure .
Do we do 'good' deeds for the same reason? Think about it... the rush of happiness when we help someone or when we feel that we have made a difference to someone's life.
Doesn't that make the quest for pleasure a 'good' in itself?
And if we take it further couldn't it be possible, that we are afraid to go to hell [for those of us who believe in hell] because we know hell will be a darned painful place - very very far away from pleasure indeed!
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Labels
Have you noticed how when you ask someone about another person the first thing they do is launch into a description of the person's physical self. Since the first time we recognize ourself in the mirror we base our identity on our outer appearance.
Throughout our life we label ourselves, 'I'm an introvert', 'I am a reflective person' or 'I am funny', 'I'm this...I'm that'. We use these to describe ourself when we meet people for the first time. If its not a physical description then its what we do, our marital status, our hobbies.
But is that who we are?
We hide behind all these labels, as they prevent us from really looking inside and examining what lies beneath. We feel comfortable with the descriptions, a safety cushion that provides us with convenient scapegoats.
They become our justification for not changing or even making an effort to change.
But what happens when someone we love and care deeply about perceives us as different from the way we have marked ourselves in our head, we feel shaken and confused, and when someone whose opinion and their intelligence we respect we actually start doubting ourself.
Growing up, the picture we have of our self is governed by what we hear our loved ones describe us as and unconsciously we start to model ourself on those labels. So starts an anthology of personal mythologies. These are the voices we hear and we create our persona around them and use it to describe and classify all our actions.
To be totally honest about oneself is the most difficult thing that anyone can do and even if they do it - its one thing to know exactly who you are and another thing to let others see the real you.
Throughout our life we label ourselves, 'I'm an introvert', 'I am a reflective person' or 'I am funny', 'I'm this...I'm that'. We use these to describe ourself when we meet people for the first time. If its not a physical description then its what we do, our marital status, our hobbies.
But is that who we are?
We hide behind all these labels, as they prevent us from really looking inside and examining what lies beneath. We feel comfortable with the descriptions, a safety cushion that provides us with convenient scapegoats.
They become our justification for not changing or even making an effort to change.
But what happens when someone we love and care deeply about perceives us as different from the way we have marked ourselves in our head, we feel shaken and confused, and when someone whose opinion and their intelligence we respect we actually start doubting ourself.
Growing up, the picture we have of our self is governed by what we hear our loved ones describe us as and unconsciously we start to model ourself on those labels. So starts an anthology of personal mythologies. These are the voices we hear and we create our persona around them and use it to describe and classify all our actions.
To be totally honest about oneself is the most difficult thing that anyone can do and even if they do it - its one thing to know exactly who you are and another thing to let others see the real you.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Dark vs Light
So I was watching Spiderman and I realized that in a battle, internal or otherwise there is a great part of us that gravitates towards the darker side. It repulses and fascinates us at the same time.Why is the black suit perceived as more powerful than Spiderman even by himself? When choosing to go for an important fight he chooses the black costume, subconsciously admitting its superiority.
The darker side of Spiderman has more force, allure and presence, makes us notice more...
The entire theatre was cheering as the alter ego of Spidey lets people have it, not caring about hurting sensitive feelings, for once telling it like it is. There was a thrill seeing someone who couldn't stand up for himself before do so.
It led me to question whether we somehow perceive good as being less - if someone is good are they considered weak and unable to stand up for themselves? Do we doubt that good can win that it will be strong enough? Somehow bad always seem to have the better odds of succeeding in life. Are we attracted towards the bad more easily than towards the good?
Or is it the case of an attraction, not so much to good or bad, but to that which is superior?
Is it in our genetic make-up to look up to someone who can conquer us - people better than us - stronger than us or smarter than us?
I wonder whether we are innately structured to seek out leadership - to seek out the powerful, to follow?
To despise that which is weak and idolize that which is stronger and better, whether physically, mentally or in any other way!
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
What if we had 3 eyes?
So my last post got me thinking of the subjectivity of our view of beauty.
Imagine if all of us had been born with three eyes - then that would be normal. And if we ever saw someone with two eyes we'd think that they were a freak. We'd be pointing fingers and thinking 'oh the poor guy/girl'
How funny - the monster would be a two-eyed monster - [hey I think I am getting confused here, it wasn't a three eyed monster but a three-headed dog called Cerberus, hound of Hades. Anyway I am sure there is a monster in fiction with 3 eyes... as long as you get the point.
What we are used to seeing becomes normal and even beautiful for us and anything not familiar is automatically 'ugly' or freakish.
I suppose part of our defense mechanism... the human imperative to survive or perish
Imagine if all of us had been born with three eyes - then that would be normal. And if we ever saw someone with two eyes we'd think that they were a freak. We'd be pointing fingers and thinking 'oh the poor guy/girl'
How funny - the monster would be a two-eyed monster - [hey I think I am getting confused here, it wasn't a three eyed monster but a three-headed dog called Cerberus, hound of Hades. Anyway I am sure there is a monster in fiction with 3 eyes... as long as you get the point.
What we are used to seeing becomes normal and even beautiful for us and anything not familiar is automatically 'ugly' or freakish.
I suppose part of our defense mechanism... the human imperative to survive or perish
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
The Case of the Road that Vanished
I was on my way to College today, we had to go to do our group work assignment and I had asked one of my group members to pick me up.
I was showing off my knowledge of the shortest route to college, the one I take everyday... we are driving along and all of a sudden the turn that we always takes seems to have disappeared. We are lost and I'm aghast especially since for half the drive I had been boasting about the superiority of the route I took everyday
I am shocked - a road is a physical tangible reality wtf where did it go? A road can't just vanish into thin air!
The route I have been using it for months had changed in a span of one week.
It was shocking and funny in a not so amusing way as we were getting late for college.
After repeating 'how the **** can a road vanish' over and over, till my friend must have wanted to choke me to silence. I realized that of course the road had not disappeared only our access to it had changed.
Much like life... sometimes our path gets lost and we think its gone - its not gone. Just the way to get to the road has changed - the road is still there. We can reach it if we try to find another route that leads to it. Just access it from a different angle
It was such a subtle realization... exquisite even.
Unfortunately I don't think I did justice in the way I described it. But sometimes words no matter how well strung together can never do justice to a thought!
I was showing off my knowledge of the shortest route to college, the one I take everyday... we are driving along and all of a sudden the turn that we always takes seems to have disappeared. We are lost and I'm aghast especially since for half the drive I had been boasting about the superiority of the route I took everyday
I am shocked - a road is a physical tangible reality wtf where did it go? A road can't just vanish into thin air!
The route I have been using it for months had changed in a span of one week.
It was shocking and funny in a not so amusing way as we were getting late for college.
After repeating 'how the **** can a road vanish' over and over, till my friend must have wanted to choke me to silence. I realized that of course the road had not disappeared only our access to it had changed.Much like life... sometimes our path gets lost and we think its gone - its not gone. Just the way to get to the road has changed - the road is still there. We can reach it if we try to find another route that leads to it. Just access it from a different angle
It was such a subtle realization... exquisite even.
Unfortunately I don't think I did justice in the way I described it. But sometimes words no matter how well strung together can never do justice to a thought!
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Childhood's End
When we are kids all of us have such big dreams - there is no possibility of failure. We all genuinely think we are capable of anything. Nothing is impossible
And as we grow, we are taught to fear. It starts with the bogeyman and then we are given little capsules of fear intermittently... 'Don't talk to strangers', 'Don't touch this or...', 'Don't misbehave or' etc etc.
Slowly our invincibility diminishes and we learn that we are capable of failure. And as time passes it grows worse ... there are no more 'happy ever-afters' to believe. There is no certainty that the bad guys will be punished - there is no more contentment in having a beautiful doll house.
So what happens to us - what kills our immortality? Is it growing up or is it not keeping that child alive by sometimes making horrendous mistakes?
Being foolish - being a kid. Believing even when we fail.
Just keeping on moving not to reach a destination but to enjoy the road!
And as we grow, we are taught to fear. It starts with the bogeyman and then we are given little capsules of fear intermittently... 'Don't talk to strangers', 'Don't touch this or...', 'Don't misbehave or' etc etc.
Slowly our invincibility diminishes and we learn that we are capable of failure. And as time passes it grows worse ... there are no more 'happy ever-afters' to believe. There is no certainty that the bad guys will be punished - there is no more contentment in having a beautiful doll house.
So what happens to us - what kills our immortality? Is it growing up or is it not keeping that child alive by sometimes making horrendous mistakes?
Being foolish - being a kid. Believing even when we fail.
Just keeping on moving not to reach a destination but to enjoy the road!
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Appearances can be deceptive
You know those moments when you when you get struck my an amazing revelation actually realization is a better word. There is a clarity to your thoughts and you actually feel like you have evolved a little more. Well I just love those moments. They are your personal truth other people might have had the same discovery long ago and when you tell them they might look at you as if to say, 'well of course, whats new about that. Its so simple'. But still to you that discovery whatever it may be is new. I'm digressing again.
I had my moment of truth a few weeks ago, we had gone out with friends and some other of their friends had joined the party. There was this girl who I always used to think was a bit snobbish and reserved because she was really intelligent and had a fantastic job. To be honest I felt a bit intimidated by her. My problem is the first impression people have of me is that I'm a silly frivolous girl who's only interested in fashion and has a brain of a poodle, the fact that I used to be in the media doesn't help. I don't correct this impression. In fact its fun to play that role.
Anyway I always thought that she thought I was not up to her mark or whatever... somehow that day we got talking. And to my utter amazement I find out that she thought the exact thing I did i.e. she thought that I thought of her as plain and boring.
So this super successful girl who looks like nothing ever fazes her was insecure as well. We all are but we don't show it, in our effort to hide it we disguise it behind a lot of different things, for some it's arrogance,, for some it is humor and some hide behind a super confident persona. But inside we are seeking others approval and yet at the same time telling ourself that we don't care what others might think of us.
I sat there reeling...we never realize that the person who appears really confident in front of us and who we think is giving us an attitude might be feeling the exact same thing we are.
So the next time we get intimidated by someone or are ready to make a judgment, we should take a moment and think that maybe they are feeling the exact same thing - may be they are nervous about our impression of them as well. Just because someone looks perfect doesn't mean that they feel the same way inside. A lot of times really pretty people genuinely see themselves as ordinary looking, a lot of really intelligent people think of themselves as average [I have a friend who I think is super brilliant but she honestly doesn't see that about herself]
So appearances can be deceptive... to end with yet another cliche it is always advisable to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Even if they look like they may not fit!
I had my moment of truth a few weeks ago, we had gone out with friends and some other of their friends had joined the party. There was this girl who I always used to think was a bit snobbish and reserved because she was really intelligent and had a fantastic job. To be honest I felt a bit intimidated by her. My problem is the first impression people have of me is that I'm a silly frivolous girl who's only interested in fashion and has a brain of a poodle, the fact that I used to be in the media doesn't help. I don't correct this impression. In fact its fun to play that role.
Anyway I always thought that she thought I was not up to her mark or whatever... somehow that day we got talking. And to my utter amazement I find out that she thought the exact thing I did i.e. she thought that I thought of her as plain and boring.
So this super successful girl who looks like nothing ever fazes her was insecure as well. We all are but we don't show it, in our effort to hide it we disguise it behind a lot of different things, for some it's arrogance,, for some it is humor and some hide behind a super confident persona. But inside we are seeking others approval and yet at the same time telling ourself that we don't care what others might think of us.
I sat there reeling...we never realize that the person who appears really confident in front of us and who we think is giving us an attitude might be feeling the exact same thing we are.
So the next time we get intimidated by someone or are ready to make a judgment, we should take a moment and think that maybe they are feeling the exact same thing - may be they are nervous about our impression of them as well. Just because someone looks perfect doesn't mean that they feel the same way inside. A lot of times really pretty people genuinely see themselves as ordinary looking, a lot of really intelligent people think of themselves as average [I have a friend who I think is super brilliant but she honestly doesn't see that about herself]
So appearances can be deceptive... to end with yet another cliche it is always advisable to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Even if they look like they may not fit!
Monday, April 23, 2007
Possession
The desire for possession is insatiable, to such a point that it can survive even love itself. To love, therefore is to sterilize the person one loves- Albert Camus
How brutal yet how honest! These lines by Camus got me thinking about the thin line between love and possession. It's an incredible art form and a stringent discipline to love someone yet let him or her have the freedom to be. It's so easy to be possessive - to want someone you love to be a slave to your emotions or have them feel for you just as strongly as you feel for them and in the same way.
It's tough to realize that we all have different ways of loving and different doesn't mean less. So many of us make our self miserable thinking that the object of our affections does not love us with the same intensity as we do. That they may exist in a world without us, that the sun will continue to rise if we weren't there. That life would go on without us, because isn't it true that we want the person we love, to be incapacitated without us, completely helpless and lost – unable to go on?
That is the ultimate proof that someone loves us. Of course not everybody is like this.
I used to be but I can proudly say that I have changed, still regress at times but much improved. It took strict endeavor and deep introspection, and of course life happens and changes so many of our perspectives. Sometimes it turns a full 360 degrees and takes us to the spot that we were before and makes us stand on the opposite side, holds out a mirror and we gasp. Only when our actions are reflected in the other person do we realize.
It's strange how when we fall in love with someone it's because of who they are and as soon as we have them we immediately start trying to change them.
To love someone is to be incredibly brave, brave enough to give them the space they need to be who they are and not possessing them so completely that they lose themselves.
I wonder where it starts?
The possessiveness. Is it a lack of belief in our self?
Do we think that until and unless we own someone completely where they only see us and close themselves to the rest of the world, we'll lose them?
In this way I think marriage is the trickiest institution because the lines are very thin... how possessive can you be and how possessive should you be? Or should you be at all.
I guess this is where trust comes in but a lack of trust sometimes is not because of what the other person has done it stems out of one's own insecurities.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)