I got a message from my best friend today. Her husband's cousin just 35, was going to meet his mom and it was late, he didn't want to drive as he was too sleepy so he decided to call a cab. On the way to the airport the taxi rammed into a stationary truck killing both.
She asked me how does a family deal with such a thing. I didn't know what to say.
This was my reply
Dear Bis
Death is so difficult for the ones left behind - it seems so arbitrary and sudden. I just don't know what to say - it's a concept that cannot be grasped as its not possible to experience it first then talk about it, at best it can just be mourned. I can't even begin to imagine what his mother must be going through. I am so sorry for the whole family.
It seems so senseless that we have to make plans when we don't even know about tomorrow. I think in that way human beings are really brave - noble even.
At first I used to think that we were arrogant to make plans when we didn't know what tomorrow could bring forth, but now I think we are courageous. God has put forth the most difficult task on our shoulders. He EXPECTS us to live, to make plans all the while knowing that all those plans can come to naught the next second.
My condolences again :(
So how do we do it?
Note: Death and the concept of death holds for people who don't believe in God as well - so what are your opinions?
Showing posts with label questions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label questions. Show all posts
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Monday, September 3, 2007
Intentions v/s Actions [post # 100]
Ever since Greg's comments on my 'Is there an Athena living in my Head too' post, I have been grappling with the intention vs action issue, or debate, or whatever you want to call it.
If it's our actions that make us who we are, then what happens when we do apparently 'good' things, like being kind to someone or helping others but we do it with the bad/selfish/self-serving/fake intentions?
Then in the debate of intentions vs actions which one matters more, which one makes the cut so to speak. Out of the two, thinking about doing good but not translating it into action or doing good but not with the purest of intentions at all, which one is the better or worse.
I am really puzzled by this!
P.S. Unrelated - but this is my 100th post. So I made a little postcard via my latest obsession... making postcards ;)
Zakman made me the cutest poster ever and for that I am so touched – thank you from the pit of my heart
If it's our actions that make us who we are, then what happens when we do apparently 'good' things, like being kind to someone or helping others but we do it with the bad/selfish/self-serving/fake intentions?
Then in the debate of intentions vs actions which one matters more, which one makes the cut so to speak. Out of the two, thinking about doing good but not translating it into action or doing good but not with the purest of intentions at all, which one is the better or worse.
I am really puzzled by this!
P.S. Unrelated - but this is my 100th post. So I made a little postcard via my latest obsession... making postcards ;)
Zakman made me the cutest poster ever and for that I am so touched – thank you from the pit of my heart
Thursday, August 23, 2007
A Bizarre Thought/Question!
I have been thinking about the things we cling to - the memories that have such an effect on us that they become the glasses that we view the world with. The shit that happened to us when we were young, the shit we did to ourselves. Reading various blogs on how people unconsciously or consciously make decisions that they know will bring them nothing but pain and degradation made me wonder why we all react the way we do.
The 'broken' do it out of a sense of self that insists that they deserve the worst of treatments and that every bad thing that happens to them is because of how they acted in the past and that they deserve nothing but the worst and that is all they can handle or ever want.
But what happens when something terrible happens to someone in their past but their brain just wipes it out, except for a few haunting traces? Take for example a hypothetical case of a person who might have been abused as a child or have had some other horrible thing happened to them but they don't recall or remember it clearly. Maybe they have buried it so deep inside that except for a few flashes they don't remember anything else. They don't talk about it or tell it to anyone and even if they ever did, it would be in a passing sentence.
So what happens then - when you don't consciously remember something. When you have no particular person to hate or blame categorically? Does it affect your behavior subconsciously? If one blanks out a certain period in one's life and remembers just very distant glimpses of it - does the past then count?
Think about it if you can't recall the memory of pain or recall it faintly... how much does it matter? As much as you recall it?
If you can't remember what happened.... does it then count?
The 'broken' do it out of a sense of self that insists that they deserve the worst of treatments and that every bad thing that happens to them is because of how they acted in the past and that they deserve nothing but the worst and that is all they can handle or ever want.
But what happens when something terrible happens to someone in their past but their brain just wipes it out, except for a few haunting traces? Take for example a hypothetical case of a person who might have been abused as a child or have had some other horrible thing happened to them but they don't recall or remember it clearly. Maybe they have buried it so deep inside that except for a few flashes they don't remember anything else. They don't talk about it or tell it to anyone and even if they ever did, it would be in a passing sentence.
So what happens then - when you don't consciously remember something. When you have no particular person to hate or blame categorically? Does it affect your behavior subconsciously? If one blanks out a certain period in one's life and remembers just very distant glimpses of it - does the past then count?
Think about it if you can't recall the memory of pain or recall it faintly... how much does it matter? As much as you recall it?
If you can't remember what happened.... does it then count?
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Is there an Athena living in my head too?
This is something I've written in my Blogcataog profile so it's not like a new discovery for me - but last night it struck me again and each time it does, it's a shock. This is what I had written
We are the ones who will have maximum knowledge of ourselves because let's face it, we think about ourselves more than anyone else ever will. Yet don't they say that to be able to see things clearly we need to put distance in between?
We had gone to a friend's get together yesterday, and it was one of those days that I was feeling particularly antisocial and wanting to stay home in bed with a good book, not even on my computer, that was the extent to which I felt the need to be alone. Anyway I had to go. We reached and I noticed myself acting like a consummate socialite, laughing and joking and entertaining people and actually having fun. There were a few people I was meeting for the first time, naturally seeing me like this they assumed that I was a very social, happy, jolly person - an opinion that I do not hold true of me at all.
In the course of the conversation this girl mentioned to me how I was such a happy go lucky person and blah blah. Of course, I thought to myself, you are seeing me today, what would you know. I tried to acquaint her with my view of me and she just gave me a blank stare, I kept insisting that tonight was just one of those surprising nights.
Two people really can't see the same phenomenon, argue many - so if there's this divide between our perception of ourself and someone else's - which one is me? I know they are all part of us, the faces we put on and the roles we play, are facets of our personality.
Whether it's the pretend us or the social us or the snooty us, doesn't make a difference, because we know all to be part of our nature, but to people we meet once, that is the person that is real. So if I tell you, I'm this or that, and you meet someone who has met me when I wasn't like that, who would you believe - especially if you knew both of us for the same time?
This girl I met, who I will probably never meet again, has an image of me, which to me is the total opposite of me but it's the only truth she has of me and will remember me as that for however long she does remember.
And this is just one example of strangers, sometimes this divide is felt when someone who knows us pretty well reveals something about us and we get shocked - that's not me, we think. In those cases who do we believe? Do we doubt our own self observation, or do we doubt whether the other person has understood us, or is it that our thoughts do not translate into our behaviour?
Each possibility poses a unique problem of its own - if the other person has not understood us then how do we make them do so, or will it be an exercise in futility?
Or are they actually right? We know them to be rational and if they have reached this conclusion it would be after observation of our behaviour ergo it must be correct. Then this would mean that we don't practice what we preach.
The whole question of who we really are then becomes quite problematic.
Or is it the case that we see ourselves with rose colored glasses and aren't who we think.
Or maybe, we have an entirely different person who lives hidden inside our head like Athena in Zeus' head, ready to spring out fully formed, any time.
Just tantalizing us with glimpses but never truly revealing themselves either to us or others.
It's quite fascinating and a little bit spooky - I wonder if that person would look like us as well?
"I have now reached the conclusion that what I think of me might not be what others see me as".And sometimes the two might actually be totally opposing views. So who's right and who's wrong or is it just relative? I mean if you think about it - the person who knows most about 'me' should be me - it is I who live in my head not others, right?
We are the ones who will have maximum knowledge of ourselves because let's face it, we think about ourselves more than anyone else ever will. Yet don't they say that to be able to see things clearly we need to put distance in between?
We had gone to a friend's get together yesterday, and it was one of those days that I was feeling particularly antisocial and wanting to stay home in bed with a good book, not even on my computer, that was the extent to which I felt the need to be alone. Anyway I had to go. We reached and I noticed myself acting like a consummate socialite, laughing and joking and entertaining people and actually having fun. There were a few people I was meeting for the first time, naturally seeing me like this they assumed that I was a very social, happy, jolly person - an opinion that I do not hold true of me at all.
In the course of the conversation this girl mentioned to me how I was such a happy go lucky person and blah blah. Of course, I thought to myself, you are seeing me today, what would you know. I tried to acquaint her with my view of me and she just gave me a blank stare, I kept insisting that tonight was just one of those surprising nights.
Two people really can't see the same phenomenon, argue many - so if there's this divide between our perception of ourself and someone else's - which one is me? I know they are all part of us, the faces we put on and the roles we play, are facets of our personality.
Whether it's the pretend us or the social us or the snooty us, doesn't make a difference, because we know all to be part of our nature, but to people we meet once, that is the person that is real. So if I tell you, I'm this or that, and you meet someone who has met me when I wasn't like that, who would you believe - especially if you knew both of us for the same time?
This girl I met, who I will probably never meet again, has an image of me, which to me is the total opposite of me but it's the only truth she has of me and will remember me as that for however long she does remember.
And this is just one example of strangers, sometimes this divide is felt when someone who knows us pretty well reveals something about us and we get shocked - that's not me, we think. In those cases who do we believe? Do we doubt our own self observation, or do we doubt whether the other person has understood us, or is it that our thoughts do not translate into our behaviour?
Each possibility poses a unique problem of its own - if the other person has not understood us then how do we make them do so, or will it be an exercise in futility?
Or are they actually right? We know them to be rational and if they have reached this conclusion it would be after observation of our behaviour ergo it must be correct. Then this would mean that we don't practice what we preach.
The whole question of who we really are then becomes quite problematic.
Or is it the case that we see ourselves with rose colored glasses and aren't who we think.
Or maybe, we have an entirely different person who lives hidden inside our head like Athena in Zeus' head, ready to spring out fully formed, any time.
Just tantalizing us with glimpses but never truly revealing themselves either to us or others.
It's quite fascinating and a little bit spooky - I wonder if that person would look like us as well?
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Had they lived....
Do you think Romeo and Juliet would have been as immortal in life as they are in death... I mean had they lived and got married and had a little brood, would they be as famous and as oft-quoted as they are now? Would their love story still been called the greatest love story of all time - a perfect ode to love?
Yeah right! Romeo never had to see Juliet first thing in the morning and Juliet never heard Romeo snoring...
Tragedy is what lends so much allure to love stories... allow them to play out and reach their natural life cycle and like everything else they would soon reach the maturity stage... and dying for each other would appear to be slightly foolish... if not downright ridiculous
Love changes...it grows deeper and the thumping heart and jelly knees turns into a different kind of emotion... it becomes real and like everything real it stops being a perfect little fairy tale.
It's more meaningful because it's accepted with all its flaws and imperfections... it turns into acceptance and respect and the desire to make things work even when the going gets a bit rough.
It's a strange kind of friendship...a paradox - someone capable of hurting you worse than anyone ever could...at the same time someone who can make you the happiest you've been...
It's being accepted even after you've made an ass of yourself at times... it's making room for another in your precious space. It's allowing the heart to open up a little more every day to accommodate each others' insecurities and ego, unspoken fears and vanities.
It's doing little things for one another....it's unconsciously turning in the night and feeling thankful for the person next to you... feeling content at knowing there is someone out there who knows you better than you think they know you...
Someone who you may fight with and exchange cruel words with...but someone who is still there in the morning...someone you may walk away mentally from, time to time...but someone you return to each time.
Someone tied to you with the most fragile of bonds....yet often the one most difficult to break...
Yeah right! Romeo never had to see Juliet first thing in the morning and Juliet never heard Romeo snoring...
Tragedy is what lends so much allure to love stories... allow them to play out and reach their natural life cycle and like everything else they would soon reach the maturity stage... and dying for each other would appear to be slightly foolish... if not downright ridiculous
Love changes...it grows deeper and the thumping heart and jelly knees turns into a different kind of emotion... it becomes real and like everything real it stops being a perfect little fairy tale.
It's more meaningful because it's accepted with all its flaws and imperfections... it turns into acceptance and respect and the desire to make things work even when the going gets a bit rough.
It's a strange kind of friendship...a paradox - someone capable of hurting you worse than anyone ever could...at the same time someone who can make you the happiest you've been...
It's being accepted even after you've made an ass of yourself at times... it's making room for another in your precious space. It's allowing the heart to open up a little more every day to accommodate each others' insecurities and ego, unspoken fears and vanities.
It's doing little things for one another....it's unconsciously turning in the night and feeling thankful for the person next to you... feeling content at knowing there is someone out there who knows you better than you think they know you...
Someone who you may fight with and exchange cruel words with...but someone who is still there in the morning...someone you may walk away mentally from, time to time...but someone you return to each time.
Someone tied to you with the most fragile of bonds....yet often the one most difficult to break...
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Did Curiosity Really Kill The Cat?
I did a post along similar lines some time ago... as long as I can remember there have been questions running around in my head creating havoc. It's like guilt and curiosity are two traits that I have been blessed [?] with, in abundance.
One of my fellow bloggers, paisley whose blogs I enjoy immensely, left me a comment that actually inspired this post... she said I asked too many questions and that I should follow my heart... but sometimes, actually most of the times, my head won't let me. Even if I could fool it and hide for a while it would still win ultimately, and make me question everything that my heart was telling me.
According to Wikipedia my curiosity falls under the umbrella of 'morbid curiosity'
What should I term this constant love affair with asking questions? curiosity? vanity? indulgence or simply stupidity?
I call it an affair because I love when questions are asked and an answer is given which leads to more questions and more answers... we keep going round and round in circles and that's when you feel most alive and vibrant, your heart thumping... your senses sharp.. adrenaline taking you to another level....
Maybe it's like a high you don't want to end....
You have this relationship with very few people - the one in which all you do is question everything under the sun and debate...and hours melt away like minutes. I have relationships like this with perhaps only three people... the rest are just filled with mundane stuff and inane ramblings about the day-to-day drudgery that life can be at times...
I feel that the minute you stop discovering or asking questions is the minute you start getting old and stop growing.... maybe this is one my fears and so I constantly keep going around my head in circles...
I don't know thats yet another question...
P.S.: No cats were harmed during the writing of this post although Greg did try to kick them... he didn't succeed
One of my fellow bloggers, paisley whose blogs I enjoy immensely, left me a comment that actually inspired this post... she said I asked too many questions and that I should follow my heart... but sometimes, actually most of the times, my head won't let me. Even if I could fool it and hide for a while it would still win ultimately, and make me question everything that my heart was telling me.
According to Wikipedia my curiosity falls under the umbrella of 'morbid curiosity'
A morbid curiosity is a compulsion, fixed with excitement and fear, to know about macabre topics, such as death and horrible violence. In a milder form, however, this can be understood as a cathartic form of behavior or as something instinctive within humans. According to Aristotle, in his Poetics, we even “enjoy contemplating the most precise images of things whose sight is painful to us”. (This aspect of our nature is often referred to as the 'Car Crash Syndrome' or 'Trainwreck Syndrome', derived from the notorious inability of passersby to ignore such accidents.)So how do I stop this trainwreck if indeed it is a train wreck....
What should I term this constant love affair with asking questions? curiosity? vanity? indulgence or simply stupidity?
I call it an affair because I love when questions are asked and an answer is given which leads to more questions and more answers... we keep going round and round in circles and that's when you feel most alive and vibrant, your heart thumping... your senses sharp.. adrenaline taking you to another level....
Maybe it's like a high you don't want to end....
You have this relationship with very few people - the one in which all you do is question everything under the sun and debate...and hours melt away like minutes. I have relationships like this with perhaps only three people... the rest are just filled with mundane stuff and inane ramblings about the day-to-day drudgery that life can be at times...
I feel that the minute you stop discovering or asking questions is the minute you start getting old and stop growing.... maybe this is one my fears and so I constantly keep going around my head in circles...
I don't know thats yet another question...
P.S.: No cats were harmed during the writing of this post although Greg did try to kick them... he didn't succeed
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Mirror, Mirror
I have often wondered if when we see our face in the mirror it is the same face other people see when they look at us. Of course there will be some correspondence or similarity between what I see myself as and the what others see me as...but I wonder how much?If the phrase 'Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder' is true than I wonder how big the difference would be.
Sometimes when you think you are not exactly looking your best [euphemism for pretty darned awful] you'll end up getting get compliments and think to yourself, 'huh really?' or 'wonder what he/she wants'. And when you think you're looking good someone will ask, 'What's the matter, you look pulled down'. And all you can do is smile inanely...
And not only that, aren't there days when you seem different to even your own self, some days you like what you see in the mirror and then there are days that you want to break the damn mirror...
Of course it's not our face that changes [its a different story if a zit shows up unannounced and unwanted] but our brain/mind whatever the jargon you want to use, tricks us.
And then of course there is the 'why now?' phenomenon... have you noticed how everything looks perfect when you are just about to go to bed.. hair is shiny, skin's glowing ... but fast forward to when you want to dazzle on a special evening... no matter what you do nothing seems to work. Probably that's something to do with expectations... I have found everything in life turns out the most fabulous when your expectations are really low!
I am sure you have said many a times or thought many times that someone thinks they are better looking than they really are..but perhaps they see themselves that way and its not an act.
What if we appeared slightly different to everyone that saw us?
Wouldn't it be fascinating if we could have alternate views of ourselves [without the help of psychogenics ideally] and be able to see what others see when they look at our face?
I really would love to see myself through someone else's eyes...physically. Because the only way we see ourself is through a mirror or a photograph... not the way others see us. Not truthfully! Mirrors can lie and so can photographs!
Actually it's a pretty funny thought that others might have more of an accurate picture of what we look like than we do ourselves... because come to think of it we only see reproductions of our face. Second generation information.
So wouldn't you like to see yourself through someone else's eyes??? Literally!!!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Unfashionably Nice!
For the life of me I cannot fathom why being nice is so unappreciated and why being rude and sarcastic is thought to be indicative of a sharp mind.
The dictionary defines nice as:
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) -
nice
[nahys] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –adjective, nic·er, nic·est.
People assume that if you are not being “aggressive” about what you want you are a coward or if someone is rude to you and you don’t reply in kind you’re a wimp.
No one stops to think that maybe you don’t want to stoop to the other person’s level.
I’ve personally had so many experiences whereby when I’m being polite it’s taken as an invitation to sit on my head and dance, or just ignore me until I start to scream and show my nasty side.
I’ve noticed this on message boards, the rude, “sarcastic” are in the foreground of it all and the ones who don't bully or shout are overshadowed.
Like they say ‘nice guys finish last’ but why is that???????
Since when did being nice, being decent, being well-mannered or courteous stop being fashionable and should we stop because it’s not en vogue?
Being nice has nothing to do with how entertaining a person can be but I suppose in today’s world until we insult someone or put them down, we think we can’t be noticed!
P.S.: I realize my English teacher would have butchered me for the over use of the word 'nice' which in her opinion was the most bland word in the English language...
The dictionary defines nice as:
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) -
nice
[nahys] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –adjective, nic·er, nic·est.- Exhibiting courtesy and politeness: a nice gesture.
- Of good character and reputation; respectable.
- Pleasing; agreeable; delightful: a nice visit.
- Amiably pleasant; kind
- Refined in manners, language
- Virtuous; respectable; decorous
People assume that if you are not being “aggressive” about what you want you are a coward or if someone is rude to you and you don’t reply in kind you’re a wimp.
No one stops to think that maybe you don’t want to stoop to the other person’s level.
I’ve personally had so many experiences whereby when I’m being polite it’s taken as an invitation to sit on my head and dance, or just ignore me until I start to scream and show my nasty side.
I’ve noticed this on message boards, the rude, “sarcastic” are in the foreground of it all and the ones who don't bully or shout are overshadowed.
Like they say ‘nice guys finish last’ but why is that???????
Since when did being nice, being decent, being well-mannered or courteous stop being fashionable and should we stop because it’s not en vogue?
Being nice has nothing to do with how entertaining a person can be but I suppose in today’s world until we insult someone or put them down, we think we can’t be noticed!
P.S.: I realize my English teacher would have butchered me for the over use of the word 'nice' which in her opinion was the most bland word in the English language...
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Why Do We Cry in Movies?
We had gone to watch a movie on Friday with a friend and his family and as always show me a sad scene in a movie and the waterworks start. The strangest thing is that I don’t cry easily regarding personal stuff [I hate anyone seeing me cry, hubby is the only exception]. At the end of the movie he asked me why do we cry at movies. Is it because in daily life we suppress our emotions and they get released like this or is it that there is something in the movie we are identifying with. I was intrigued so I thought I’d do some research on the psychology of crying.
Why do we cry? Here are some things I discovered.
Crying is a complicated process not as easy as the trickle of spontaneity that happens at times. First of all, there are really three different types of tears. Basal tears keep our eyes lubricated constantly. Reflex tears are produced when our eyes get irritated, like with onions or when something gets into our eyes. The third kind of tear is produced when the body reacts emotionally to something, emotional tears. Each type of tear contains different amounts of chemical proteins and hormones.
Scientists have discovered that the emotional tears contain higher levels of manganese and the hormone prolactin, and this contributes in a reduction of both of these in the body; thus helping to keep depression away. Many people have found that crying actually calms them after being upset, and this is in part due to the chemicals and hormones that are released in the tears.
In The Expression of Emotions in Man and Animals, Charles Darwin listed three reasons for the secretion of tears: “The primary function of the secretion of tears, with some mucus, is to lubricate the surface of the eye, and a secondary one, as some believe, is to keep the nostrils damp, so that the inhaled air may be moist, and likewise to favour the power of smelling. But another, and at least equally important function of tears is to wash out particles of dust or other minute objects which may get into the eyes” (Darwin, 1872: 169). In Darwin’s view, the excretion of emotional tears was related to the first function.
The philosopher William James, following Darwin, considered emotions to be little different from reflexes, occurring without prior rational thought. Only after experiencing the bodily sensations of, say, anger or fear, James argued, do we cognitively recognize the emotions.
But this does not explain why the bodily sensations arise in the first place. How does it happen? Why do we start crying? What emotional response triggers it?
An emotional response to stimuli acts as a trigger. These responses could have a lot of sources, pain or loss of a loved one, an internal response that is triggered when we feel hurt, when someone is mean to us or insults us, rage causes tears, feelings of helplessness makes us cry in frustration. When emotions affect us, the nervous system stimulates the cranial nerve, in the brain and this sends signals to the neurotransmitters to the tear glands. And so the first tear trickles down.
There are many culturally acceptable reasons to cry in society. The first accepted reason to cry is probably death. Grieving includes crying and often times it was believed that if someone did not cry, they would suffer physically because they did not release their pain. Experiences in life and love are other reasons society allows us to cry. Women have been allowed to cry more than men traditionally, but the benefits of crying seem to suggest that men need to cry more. Cultures around the world have crying out of obligation, for show, and for grief and pain. Each culture defines where and when it is acceptable to cry. Cultures, in some parts of the world, sometimes determine the length of crying and mourning. For example, in the Zuni culture, a chief allows the mourners of the dead to cry for four days after which the chief says that the death occurred four years ago, and now the mourning may end.
Crying and tears may be favored by natural selection because they bring about helping behavior by the spectator. This helping behavior is explained by the assumption that crying and tears “imitate” some of the perceivable characteristics of a baby that has just been born (e.g., wet face, facial expressions, respiratory sounds). If human parents and people in general are “programmed” by evolution to feel the need to help and protect when they see (and hear) newborns, then when non-neonates are in need, the appearance and the behavior that together show resemblance to the neonate may have survival value at some essential points during phylogeny and, thus, may spread in the human species.
But none of this research still answered my original question – our brain knows when we are watching a movie it is fiction then why do we cry?
Perhaps you can help me answer? Why do we cry at movies?
Why do we cry? Here are some things I discovered.
Crying is a complicated process not as easy as the trickle of spontaneity that happens at times. First of all, there are really three different types of tears. Basal tears keep our eyes lubricated constantly. Reflex tears are produced when our eyes get irritated, like with onions or when something gets into our eyes. The third kind of tear is produced when the body reacts emotionally to something, emotional tears. Each type of tear contains different amounts of chemical proteins and hormones.
Scientists have discovered that the emotional tears contain higher levels of manganese and the hormone prolactin, and this contributes in a reduction of both of these in the body; thus helping to keep depression away. Many people have found that crying actually calms them after being upset, and this is in part due to the chemicals and hormones that are released in the tears.
In The Expression of Emotions in Man and Animals, Charles Darwin listed three reasons for the secretion of tears: “The primary function of the secretion of tears, with some mucus, is to lubricate the surface of the eye, and a secondary one, as some believe, is to keep the nostrils damp, so that the inhaled air may be moist, and likewise to favour the power of smelling. But another, and at least equally important function of tears is to wash out particles of dust or other minute objects which may get into the eyes” (Darwin, 1872: 169). In Darwin’s view, the excretion of emotional tears was related to the first function.
The philosopher William James, following Darwin, considered emotions to be little different from reflexes, occurring without prior rational thought. Only after experiencing the bodily sensations of, say, anger or fear, James argued, do we cognitively recognize the emotions.
But this does not explain why the bodily sensations arise in the first place. How does it happen? Why do we start crying? What emotional response triggers it?
An emotional response to stimuli acts as a trigger. These responses could have a lot of sources, pain or loss of a loved one, an internal response that is triggered when we feel hurt, when someone is mean to us or insults us, rage causes tears, feelings of helplessness makes us cry in frustration. When emotions affect us, the nervous system stimulates the cranial nerve, in the brain and this sends signals to the neurotransmitters to the tear glands. And so the first tear trickles down.
There are many culturally acceptable reasons to cry in society. The first accepted reason to cry is probably death. Grieving includes crying and often times it was believed that if someone did not cry, they would suffer physically because they did not release their pain. Experiences in life and love are other reasons society allows us to cry. Women have been allowed to cry more than men traditionally, but the benefits of crying seem to suggest that men need to cry more. Cultures around the world have crying out of obligation, for show, and for grief and pain. Each culture defines where and when it is acceptable to cry. Cultures, in some parts of the world, sometimes determine the length of crying and mourning. For example, in the Zuni culture, a chief allows the mourners of the dead to cry for four days after which the chief says that the death occurred four years ago, and now the mourning may end.
Crying and tears may be favored by natural selection because they bring about helping behavior by the spectator. This helping behavior is explained by the assumption that crying and tears “imitate” some of the perceivable characteristics of a baby that has just been born (e.g., wet face, facial expressions, respiratory sounds). If human parents and people in general are “programmed” by evolution to feel the need to help and protect when they see (and hear) newborns, then when non-neonates are in need, the appearance and the behavior that together show resemblance to the neonate may have survival value at some essential points during phylogeny and, thus, may spread in the human species.
But none of this research still answered my original question – our brain knows when we are watching a movie it is fiction then why do we cry?
Perhaps you can help me answer? Why do we cry at movies?
Saturday, May 12, 2007
SO WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF 'GOOD'?
Trying out a new idea which can't work without you guys
1. Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...
what is good?
1. sarge
2. grandchildren
3. big cruise ships
4. chocolate
5. smiles
smiles, bee
2. tofubaby said...
Good is... peace and quiet, sleep, cats,
a hug and kiss, getting barefoot.
The universe is good!
3. Wonder said...
World peace, science when it finds the cure for a disease,
solidarity, laughter, nature, love, art, freedom and...
just about anything that would make everyone (except Hitler) happy =)
W.
4. Peter Haslem said...
It takes so little a smile shared -laughter - being alive -
hearing the wind rustling through the trees and traveling with it
to the far reaches of imagination - answering this question
5. paisley said...
good is what i am when circumstances prevent me from being
anything else....
6. sage said...
I can think of things that are good, but “good” by
itself seems allusive. Although I, along with everyone else,
use “good” as a noun, I think I like it better as an adjective.
So, “what’s good?” Ice Cream!
7. HollyGL said...
Good is whatever leaves me with the feeling
that all is right with the world - my world. ...and
it is whatever gives me hope that all WILL be right
with our collective world.
8. Quasar9 said
What looks good
"Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder
What feels good
"The person you love close to you"
What IS Good
Icecream on a hot day
A gentle breeze on a hot day
A soft kiss a cress from the One you love
A life not tainted by pain sadness or suffering
A space cruise on a ship called planet earth
9. Gregory A. Becerra
A word. So nothing at all. Or anything we want it to be.
10. Titania Starlight said...
Good is:
1.Nature untouched by humans
2.A cup of hot cocoa on a cold day.
3. Hugs
4.People helping people.
5.People helping animals and the planet.
6. Making new blogger friends. :o)
11. Larry Keiler said...
"Good" -- an essential element of "bad" without which "bad"
could not exist.
12. Leon said...
Good is:
- the person who helps another.
- the snack that eases hunger.
- the joke that makes one laugh.
- any soft, cuddly, and furry animals when you are lonesome. :)
13. Mimi Lenox said...Good is.....
1. Hot French vanilla coffee in the AM
2. Kisses from that crazy man I love
3. buttercups and daisies
4. books
5. love
Random Magus said...
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH
For me this was 'good' the opportunity to see from the perspective of so many people with different lives, different personalities, different outlooks.
I think sharing is good, learning is good, reaching out and connecting with others is good.
It was 'good' of all of you to respond and help me to bring an idea to life!
Thanks again
P.S.: Please leave your idea of what 'good' is as a comment - it can be anything from silly to serious.When I get comments...I will add them in the main post with your links. So it will be a visual dialogue. The comment page will be a post. So please do leave your comments behind.
1. Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...
1. sarge
2. grandchildren
3. big cruise ships
4. chocolate
5. smiles
smiles, bee
2. tofubaby said...
a hug and kiss, getting barefoot.
The universe is good!
3. Wonder said...
solidarity, laughter, nature, love, art, freedom and...
just about anything that would make everyone (except Hitler) happy =)
W.
4. Peter Haslem said...
hearing the wind rustling through the trees and traveling with it
to the far reaches of imagination - answering this question
5. paisley said...
anything else....
6. sage said...
itself seems allusive. Although I, along with everyone else,
use “good” as a noun, I think I like it better as an adjective.
So, “what’s good?” Ice Cream!
7. HollyGL said...
that all is right with the world - my world. ...and
it is whatever gives me hope that all WILL be right
with our collective world.
8. Quasar9 said
"Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder
What feels good
"The person you love close to you"
What IS Good
Icecream on a hot day
A gentle breeze on a hot day
A soft kiss a cress from the One you love
A life not tainted by pain sadness or suffering
A space cruise on a ship called planet earth
9. Gregory A. Becerra
10. Titania Starlight said...
1.Nature untouched by humans
2.A cup of hot cocoa on a cold day.
3. Hugs
4.People helping people.
5.People helping animals and the planet.
6. Making new blogger friends. :o)
11. Larry Keiler said...
could not exist.
12. Leon said...
- the person who helps another.
- the snack that eases hunger.
- the joke that makes one laugh.
- any soft, cuddly, and furry animals when you are lonesome. :)
13. Mimi Lenox said...
1. Hot French vanilla coffee in the AM
2. Kisses from that crazy man I love
3. buttercups and daisies
4. books
5. love
Random Magus said...
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH
For me this was 'good' the opportunity to see from the perspective of so many people with different lives, different personalities, different outlooks.
I think sharing is good, learning is good, reaching out and connecting with others is good.
It was 'good' of all of you to respond and help me to bring an idea to life!
Thanks again
P.S.: Please leave your idea of what 'good' is as a comment - it can be anything from silly to serious.When I get comments...I will add them in the main post with your links. So it will be a visual dialogue. The comment page will be a post. So please do leave your comments behind.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Dark vs Light
So I was watching Spiderman and I realized that in a battle, internal or otherwise there is a great part of us that gravitates towards the darker side. It repulses and fascinates us at the same time.Why is the black suit perceived as more powerful than Spiderman even by himself? When choosing to go for an important fight he chooses the black costume, subconsciously admitting its superiority.
The darker side of Spiderman has more force, allure and presence, makes us notice more...
The entire theatre was cheering as the alter ego of Spidey lets people have it, not caring about hurting sensitive feelings, for once telling it like it is. There was a thrill seeing someone who couldn't stand up for himself before do so.
It led me to question whether we somehow perceive good as being less - if someone is good are they considered weak and unable to stand up for themselves? Do we doubt that good can win that it will be strong enough? Somehow bad always seem to have the better odds of succeeding in life. Are we attracted towards the bad more easily than towards the good?
Or is it the case of an attraction, not so much to good or bad, but to that which is superior?
Is it in our genetic make-up to look up to someone who can conquer us - people better than us - stronger than us or smarter than us?
I wonder whether we are innately structured to seek out leadership - to seek out the powerful, to follow?
To despise that which is weak and idolize that which is stronger and better, whether physically, mentally or in any other way!
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
What if we had 3 eyes?
So my last post got me thinking of the subjectivity of our view of beauty.
Imagine if all of us had been born with three eyes - then that would be normal. And if we ever saw someone with two eyes we'd think that they were a freak. We'd be pointing fingers and thinking 'oh the poor guy/girl'
How funny - the monster would be a two-eyed monster - [hey I think I am getting confused here, it wasn't a three eyed monster but a three-headed dog called Cerberus, hound of Hades. Anyway I am sure there is a monster in fiction with 3 eyes... as long as you get the point.
What we are used to seeing becomes normal and even beautiful for us and anything not familiar is automatically 'ugly' or freakish.
I suppose part of our defense mechanism... the human imperative to survive or perish
Imagine if all of us had been born with three eyes - then that would be normal. And if we ever saw someone with two eyes we'd think that they were a freak. We'd be pointing fingers and thinking 'oh the poor guy/girl'
How funny - the monster would be a two-eyed monster - [hey I think I am getting confused here, it wasn't a three eyed monster but a three-headed dog called Cerberus, hound of Hades. Anyway I am sure there is a monster in fiction with 3 eyes... as long as you get the point.
What we are used to seeing becomes normal and even beautiful for us and anything not familiar is automatically 'ugly' or freakish.
I suppose part of our defense mechanism... the human imperative to survive or perish
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Childhood's End
When we are kids all of us have such big dreams - there is no possibility of failure. We all genuinely think we are capable of anything. Nothing is impossible
And as we grow, we are taught to fear. It starts with the bogeyman and then we are given little capsules of fear intermittently... 'Don't talk to strangers', 'Don't touch this or...', 'Don't misbehave or' etc etc.
Slowly our invincibility diminishes and we learn that we are capable of failure. And as time passes it grows worse ... there are no more 'happy ever-afters' to believe. There is no certainty that the bad guys will be punished - there is no more contentment in having a beautiful doll house.
So what happens to us - what kills our immortality? Is it growing up or is it not keeping that child alive by sometimes making horrendous mistakes?
Being foolish - being a kid. Believing even when we fail.
Just keeping on moving not to reach a destination but to enjoy the road!
And as we grow, we are taught to fear. It starts with the bogeyman and then we are given little capsules of fear intermittently... 'Don't talk to strangers', 'Don't touch this or...', 'Don't misbehave or' etc etc.
Slowly our invincibility diminishes and we learn that we are capable of failure. And as time passes it grows worse ... there are no more 'happy ever-afters' to believe. There is no certainty that the bad guys will be punished - there is no more contentment in having a beautiful doll house.
So what happens to us - what kills our immortality? Is it growing up or is it not keeping that child alive by sometimes making horrendous mistakes?
Being foolish - being a kid. Believing even when we fail.
Just keeping on moving not to reach a destination but to enjoy the road!
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Is Ignorance Bliss?
The more you think the unhappier you get?????
For me the answer to this question has always been in the affirmative. Ever since my teens I have been racking my brains trying to find answers to countless questions. At the time most girls think only of make up and the next cute guy, one of my best friends [the both of us now share a blog called 'Circle of Friends'] and I would be sitting and discussing the moral fibre of everyone we knew and of course the eternal question 'what is the purpose of life'. We did the regular girlie things as well, but meaningful discourse was a great part of my life then [not that it isn't now but sadly the meeting with like-minded people has been limited]. Maybe this exercise in blogging will change that.
Now after years comes the realization that the key to being happy may lie in not thinking, being unaware. You must have met so many people who are happy and cheerful because they never think about the 'human condition' or questions like 'why are people so afraid of doing the right thing?' 'Are values inborn? if yes then how come two siblings can have a whole different set of values that shape them as a human being?' And a host of other questions.
But I also know for a fact I wouldn't trade my thoughts for ignorant bliss although sometimes I wonder if that's a wise thing! For me it's actually a lot of fun thinking about... rambling on and on and discussing these questions with the few similarly disposed-to-mental-agonizing people that I meet, albeit very infrequently. It's the most fun I have. There's nothing like sitting with friends or strangers and letting your mind go and talking and discussing... it's amazing how many facets you discover about yourself.
But unfortunately now people are afraid to talk about anything meaningful, in this world of mass production and fast churning out of products that we live in, the only thing people want to discuss is the next fashion to be heralded in, the best car to have or the swanky parties to go to. [Maybe I ain't meeting the right people:(]
Anyway coming back to the original question. What should ultimately be the goal to life... to have all the answers? to find the ultimate meaning of existence? Feel proud of your mental exercises? be a mental snob or just be happy?
Sometimes I simply don't know the answer.
For me the answer to this question has always been in the affirmative. Ever since my teens I have been racking my brains trying to find answers to countless questions. At the time most girls think only of make up and the next cute guy, one of my best friends [the both of us now share a blog called 'Circle of Friends'] and I would be sitting and discussing the moral fibre of everyone we knew and of course the eternal question 'what is the purpose of life'. We did the regular girlie things as well, but meaningful discourse was a great part of my life then [not that it isn't now but sadly the meeting with like-minded people has been limited]. Maybe this exercise in blogging will change that.
Now after years comes the realization that the key to being happy may lie in not thinking, being unaware. You must have met so many people who are happy and cheerful because they never think about the 'human condition' or questions like 'why are people so afraid of doing the right thing?' 'Are values inborn? if yes then how come two siblings can have a whole different set of values that shape them as a human being?' And a host of other questions.
But I also know for a fact I wouldn't trade my thoughts for ignorant bliss although sometimes I wonder if that's a wise thing! For me it's actually a lot of fun thinking about... rambling on and on and discussing these questions with the few similarly disposed-to-mental-agonizing people that I meet, albeit very infrequently. It's the most fun I have. There's nothing like sitting with friends or strangers and letting your mind go and talking and discussing... it's amazing how many facets you discover about yourself.
But unfortunately now people are afraid to talk about anything meaningful, in this world of mass production and fast churning out of products that we live in, the only thing people want to discuss is the next fashion to be heralded in, the best car to have or the swanky parties to go to. [Maybe I ain't meeting the right people:(]
Anyway coming back to the original question. What should ultimately be the goal to life... to have all the answers? to find the ultimate meaning of existence? Feel proud of your mental exercises? be a mental snob or just be happy?
Sometimes I simply don't know the answer.
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