Monday, May 7, 2007

... empty spaces [a very personal fear]

I am supposed to say something
I feel the weight upon me
I open my mouth
My fingers still as I type
... and I realize
What if I have nothing meaningful to say
Should I still say something
Should I still try to fill the silence
The weight of expectation
more mine than anyone else's
it weighs me down
I feel the coldness of fear
my heart constricts
and with horror I realize
what if I never had something to say?

13 comments:

QUASAR9 said...

lol
there's always something to say
Something colours our every day
who knows how and whichever way
even when it's only paint spray

If not A picture speaks a thousand words
other times moves us to play many chords
whatever it may be, even crossing swords
there's always much can be said in words

Adam said...

Hi Random. You remind me so much of myself at a younger age. I want you to know that the feelings that you are having are things that ever smart sensitive person goes through at your age.

Before modern times, we all grew up hard with death and struggle all around us - no child expected the world to be good or life to be easy. So young people were not depressed. But now we are so idealistic in the way that we teach our children and view the world, that some of us are almost paralyzed as young adults when we realize how wide the gap between what we were taught to expect from the world and what is really is.

But the paralysis is temporary. It is a phase. Don't fear it, just feel it. Keep thinking, keep feeling and learning. Over time you will come to this conclusion: if you are alone in a room with a box of crayons and paper, it might not mean anything to draw a picture but it is just more interesting than pondering the meaninglessness of crayon art.

Random Magus said...

Hey thanks for the kind words.
Its my achilles heels - words I mean!

Sometimes its like your head is like a cage and everything inside is imprisoned and no matter how much you try to bring it out and want it to be as beautiful on paper is it is in your head. Then it vanishes and you fail
It's bloody frustrating

The Real Mother Hen said...

I'm going to tag you tomorrow, so you will have a lot to say... :)

Random Magus said...

:)

QUASAR9 said...

lol Random Magus,
indeed as if from nowhere we get a burst of inspiration, sometimes the words fly by so fast they 'evaporate' before we can ever vocalise them, or capture them and put pen to paper.

On Haloscan comments (Quasar9 blog) one can edit errors, but not when leaving comments on other sites.
Alas, typos are the order of the day (for all of us) on blogger comments.

Random Magus said...

I like the way you put it - they do seem to evaporate a lot these days.

Airhead? you think??

Cochise said...

Hi, RM!


What am I supposed to say?
OK, let’s see…

1- That weight you feel is called gravity.

2- Opening mouth means you’ve been under sleeping.

3- If you have nothing meaningful to say, then don't say anything.

4- your heart constricts? That’s more serious! Don’t you, or any of your neighbors, keep a snake as a pet and don’t you sleep with mouth open?

5- Well, I'm not a shrink but basic psychology seems to indicate there's nothing wrong with you. You’re nothing but… HUMAN, remember?
(Sorry, but I couldn’t resist!)


Now, seriously, did YOU write this poem? WOW!!!



Greetings from Europe!

Blur Ting said...

Funny, I was thinking about the something similar before I read your blog. I will blog about it. It's the art of listening... while I had dinner with an old friend from Dubai

Random Magus said...

Cochise: You kill me... lol
I think I'll be laughing for a long time... snake as a pet. hahaha
And I do have a sleeping disorder - its almost 4 in the morning here and I'm commenting...
And thanks for the compliment!

Blur ting: If you ever come to Dubai, I would LOVE to meet you...

Blur Ting said...

Ha ha, that's a good reason for me to visit Dubai then! But don't you worry. We'll have lots to talk about and I promise I won't hog the conversation like some people do :-)

freudyilyan28 said...

i love it! nice page you got here! :)

Random Magus said...

Thank you so much