This is going to be a short blog - it's so strange and unfamiliar, the person that blogging has unleashed in me. I have always been the girl who looks the sweetest and the happiest - all sunshine and rainbows and pretty bubbles.
Nothing further away from the truth. It's difficult for me to share with people, my feelings of pain - so my shiny, happy exterior helps me give the impression that there's is nothing going on with me and I' happy and free.
Blogging has helped me relinquish control over my my feelings, there's something so wonderfully liberating and nonjudgmental or consequential about showing emotions through words . To a person who is a control freak in an almost scary proportion this is heaven. It's been such a difficult day for me today and even as I write this I feel the reticent, parts of my personality cringe at showcasing such a vulgar display of emotion. But I'm so damned scared and upset.
My dad has a bypass on the 29th of this month for which I'm going home, and my mom just had local chemotherapy for some sort of tumor that keeps coming up and I'm so damned far away.
This whole day, I have been pretending to be this totally okay person in front of everyone because I hate showing my vulnerability to people - I feel naked and exposed so I pretend... but now in this present moment I feel spent.
And I can just break down and cry - because I can't imaging a world without my parents.
Will probably hate myself for this outpouring of emotion tomorrow but anesthetized by wine right now.
Good night everyone and please pray for my dad's operation!
Love to all the mothers!!!!!